What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

I did it because my mum asked me too!

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Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

All the time i was locked up.

Do you have any fantasies you are ashamed of?

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

Would this be the day?

Who then, do I blame.?

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BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

I was very sick at this time too.

How do empaths destroy narcissists?

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

But it wasn’t much.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

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My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

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Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

He resisted the act ,that day.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

What are your controversial and hot takes on Naruto?

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

What are the differences between fuzzy, intuitionistic, and paraconsistent logic? Which one is considered the most useful and why?

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

I was scared of men, in general

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Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

We all went to grammer schools

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She was in good health!

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

The only rule us 5 kids had .

Hello,hope y'all doin good, i came to Quora to share my strange story , a very weird one , a story when luck smiled at me ,maybe u will enjoy it , let's begin,have fun... A year ago ,I was a real porn addicted(btw I was 18) ,but never had sex before, I don't have a gf I didn't try to find one even ,always thinking to go to find a sex worker but then I just don't , everyday watching different bodies getting fucked and everyday enjoying. One day, I was watching porn, a big ass lady with big boobs ,just after seeing her the image of my female cousin poped in my mind, (let's introduce her : she's 35 years old , very big ass , nice boobs ,not very big but nice,always wearing tight clothes , she's divorced ) and I thought of me fucking her ,I never had sexual desires for her but now I do days went by and when I met her I was so horny ,I couldn't stay with the family cz my penis was clearly erected , I realized this is my first time I get horny for one of my family ,it not illegal in my country.well to make a long story short( if u want details just text me I will tell u 😊),I decided to give her signs that I want to fuck her,finally I decided to have sex and with my cousin , I thought it is the best beggining for me, i started touching her when I came across her in a narrow place , make her feel my hard cock when we hug , I thought it will hard and I will be ashamed but no , I felt nothing and she said nothing , probably she thought it was by mistake,anyways, I decided then to talk with her about sex, waited for her to be alone in a room and talk with her, I confessed everything about me watching porn and addicted..etc,she said it's normal and u are growing up and u must have sex,well at that time I was like whaaat????? Well I didn't control myself and asked her for sex ( horny like I Ve never been before) she said that she will think Abt it ,2 weeka went by then she called me ,telling that she reserved a room in a hotel and we meet tonight ,we met,and bruuhh, sex is great , I mean, I had to find a pirstitue ,what I was waiting for to have such a feeling ????, I will never forget that night, I started kissing her she was kissing hard ,she misses sex so bad , she sucked my dick and swallowed my semen ,I felt I'm in a dream , then when fucked ,her ass was very big and the anus was open ,didn't struggle to get my hard cock inside it , she was obviously missing sex , she was shouting ,fuck me yh fuck me , I go fast after every word until I cum , we did that 3 times , then we went to her pussy , using condoms I fucked her so hard the moans were higher , everything was perfect ,in the end I asked her to lick her body , licked pussy ,ass, boobs,then she sucked my cock until we sleeped ,all I know that she was dirty ,well before even having sex with her I knew she is an open minded woman , and a woman that looks that she donesnt know anything , but she knows everything, but never expected having sex with her ,well she was horny and that helped...but no one of us regretted that sex ever.. We still have sex from time to time ,and I started having sex with sex workers , joining threesomes..etc If u want pics of her text me.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

Especially a lifetime of it.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

So whats the point in blame.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

We were not on the streets..

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

But ive been too sick for many years..

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

So, i spoilt her more .

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

I never cut or harmed myself..

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

I will be 64.

When she asked me how she looked .

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

And i lived it daily.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

Comes on , in middle age.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

She married twice! .

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

I was seconnd youngest,

I was 9 years of age.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

I think the readers, may guess!

Was to survive, this bastard.

I waited trembling.

I write beautiful poetry .

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

I know ,a lot about trauma.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

She wouldn,t have been !

Put me off passion for life!!

I have no regrets .

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

It was going to be , some day.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

He knew the spot.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

She loved him until the end.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

Ive learnt so much.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

She found it foreign!.

But, we were locked up after school.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

My life is so biszare .

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

Why did i forgive my father ?

I had hoped to write a book about this .

I could never make a relationship work though!

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

I said to her

My family never makes their pension either.

I couldn’t, believe it.

Im still living with it.

As i do to all so called friends.?

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

This is soul school!.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

One cannot live in the past .

I don,t even have a pension.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

(And it was in our own minds.)

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

What did i know ?

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.